Anticipation

Hello internet!

I had been waiting anxiously for some mail from two different parties recently. Of which both in their way had the chance to change my life somewhat. The thing is I hate waiting. I know that something important is coming but not the actually when. The feeling of frustration when I think about it its just awful.

Then at long last came yesterday. 2 new letters resided in my mailbox it seemed. And to my liking yes both of them were indeed the ones I've been waiting for. So there I was looking at the letters and trying to decide which to go for first. The decision wasn't that hard, though. The less important one was the obvious choice for me which was also the larger potential setback.

Ok so the bad news first: I happened to speed past a police camera a while back and it flashed as I passed it, doh. My biggest worry was that I was speeding enough for the ticket to be in the triple digits and worse off I could lose my lisence. Well luckily enough the amount settled to a very doable 70 euros which ofcourse I am not happy to pay, but I am relieved that it's merely that. Crisis averted. Next.

The good news then? I got called in my for ADHD exams in TAYS (university hospital in tampere) which is not as late as I had feared. I was given an estimate of 6 months before I'd be called back which would have been the end of november. Instead now I have a date set for the end of this month. How fab is that!

The annoying part of the invitation is that I have to pull out a plethora of information from my childhood. Old report cards, any infirmation regarding doctor visits, pictures from various parts of my childhood that I find important.. ...as if I was ever the type to keep that sort of stuff. Who knows I might get lucky and find some stashed away at my parents place. I'm not going to hold my breath though ( not untill I start dusting the boxes I'm about to rummage).

Being in a shadow of uncertainty has been a drag for the most part, although in my mind and my life I have found that whatever I am - I'm still more absent minded, more forgetful and more hyper than anyone I know personally. And for the most part people do tend to agree with me which supports my feelings on the subject. On the other hand I have talked with people who know me who would like to disagree with me. The other of these saying that I just want to get off easily. There must be something in that which I haven't grasped yet. Being adhd is not a jail free card. It is merely that some symptoms make it harder or darn near impossible to finish certain things in a normal fashion. You think it bums you out that I say that? Consider how I feel when I know I can't deliver with my best efforts, So if you want me to it anyway? Ofcourse I'll try but I'll let you know it's going to hit the fan at some point.

I am however trying to learn new ways and gimmicks as a sort of work-around and indeed they have helped to an extent. For what it's worth I'm less pushy nowadays. ;)

Sincerely,
RJ aka BaQu82
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Sent from my iPad <-- notice that yet? Yah I broke and just got the thing. It's iAwesome.:)

Hello internet!

It's that time of the year again. Yes Uni has started and I too have crawled out like so many others from our proverbial caves and bumped heads at campus. Meeting new faces can be anything you want it to be but most of us expect it to be an awesome experience. So much anticipation goes towards that one day of meet and greet and all you can do is hope your first impression was ok. The reality is usually more like did they even notice me (questionmark).

Meeting new people for some of us though is a daily thing. You either get along or you don't and then you move along. Nothing more honest about recognising a person, greeting them and mutually understanding that this was it let's move along - so long. Next.

If you consider how many of there are of us living in one area of influence (which technology does seem to expand quite a bit), we could just acknowledge that you get a better worth for the effort if you just cut your losses and move along. What am I talking about? Have you ever made a very bad first impression on a person you already liked? Tried to correct that first impression? In most cases I must say it would be a better cause left unfought. In the 21st century people aren't as unique and irreplaceable as before. But this is a good thing.

I have this friend who is social, funny, and everyone who meets him like him. But he has a major problem. To cut to the chase he's scared shitless of meeting new people he would/could later on form relationships with. This person I'll call him Mike.

So yes Mike has no problem socialising with his own friends or their spouses and actually he does so frequently. But then again if there is an event in which there is a possibility of meeting girls he would go on and get the jitters and be nervous about it before hand. Well then again who sometimes doesn't? Maybe it's the anticipation and or fear of something going wrong. Maybe he's a perfectionist without the proper skillset. Either way I'll just go ahead and loosely combine a few true notions: failure and failure again makes perfect. ;) you can't expect not to crash and burn unless you have one of the following:

1 First hand knowledge of what is needed to crash and burn
2 an innate drlovegood gene that just tells you what is right. (yes everyone thinks they have one and the mind tends to think it swells up when drunk)

My values while growing up regarding relationshios and the meaning of them were severely distorted by movies and common aristocratic beliefs that there is a higher meaning to everything. Terms like 'the one' and 'soulmate' paved my thoughts when searching for an answer. I'd still like to believe that these things exist, but like all stories this belief too must end sometime if I don't want to bury my head in the sand like my friend Mike does.

In people, relationships and friendship - the only way to find out what works is face the ones you fear the most since those are the oceans less travelled. Personal growth starts from jumping out of your own comfort zone into the risk zone where new frontiers are met.

Have a good one,
RJ aka BaQu82
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Sent from my iPad